The Debtor's Prison Variant
You will love the list of reasons he gives at the end as to why this is legal.
"If you are reading this now, you, like me, are badly in need of money."
Very bad assumption. I am reading it because I recognized the title of the article as a probable scam and am not only reporting you to your ISP but all the proper authorities as well.
"Believe me, I understand. If the United States had debtor's prison, I'd have been in it years ago."
That's OK. "Bubba" (as all his girlfriends in prison know him by) will make up for the extra time in nothing flat, as you are now violating several Federal, State and Local statutes and will possibly soon be bunking with him (a little more closely than you might have wanted to, though).
"However, there is a way out. All you have to do is use the follow program. You can make HUNDREDS, if not THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS."
Yes - it's called the Four Laws of Debt Free Prosperity, a book that I highly recommend.
"Mail a single dollar bill to each of the following people, along with a note which says:
"Please add me to your list. My name and address is (include your name and address)."
<Inspector Clouseau voice mode>
Aahhhh, yes, the old "Mailing List Ploy." Yes, yes, I knew that.
</Inspector Clouseau voice mode>
And now for the list of morons....
"(1) Ralph
7439 Hwy 70 S. #268
Nashville, Tn. 37221
(2) Bob Sullivan
4553 Atascadero Dr.
Santa Barbara, Ca. 93110
(3) Bill Gray
8114 SW 104th Way
Gainesville, FL 32608
(4) Y. Yuksel
1561 Mesa Dr. #123
Santa Ana, CA 92707
(5) J. M. Little
Clemson University
P.O. Box 3669
Clemson, SC 29632-3669"
All highly intelligent, as we can see. Say, since this thing is so legal and honest, why did you use only your initials? I doubt Clemson Univeristy appreciates this advertisement for the level of education that they have imparted to their students (OR the level of education of their faculty, if that happens to be the case).
"Then copy this message, and re-post it to as many newsgroups as you can, but with the following changes:
Erase the first person's address.Move each of the remaining addresses up one number.
(#2 becomes #1, #3 becomes #2, etc.)
Add your name and address as the fifth one."
Typical idiot level instructions.
"What will happen is this."
....You will post your message, someone will report you to your ISP, someone else will cancel the message, others will flame you directly, some will report you to the Federal authorities, your ISP will get flamed and get pissed at you, you will lose youur internet access, your name will be bandied all about as a total idiot, you may get a visit from the police or Postal Inspector's office.... Anything else I missed? Oh, yes - you will make no money at all, although someone will report you to the IRS so that you may get audited and have to again show what an idiot you were for participating in an illegal pyramid chain letter.
"Others who, like you, are in need of money, will read your message, just as you are reading this one, and decide that they need the extra cash."
Well, there might be a few who are stupid enough to repost it, but most of the ones that repost it will simply not send the dollar anyway.
"They will send you their one dollar bill, and repost the message, making the same changes you did. You will still be on the list as #4. Someone will read their message, send money to everyone on the list, including you, and post another message, making the changes. You will still be on the list as #3. This will continue until you are off the list, but by the time you are off the list, AT LEAST five people will send you money."
Ooooooo! Ooooo! $5 for the risk of spending Federal time. Quite a return investment (By the way, I didn't notice you mentioning that anywhere so far. Did you miss the other posts that talked about this wonderful investment scheme?
"There's the five dollars you sent. I cannot confirm them, but there are continuous statements about how people have made hundreds, thousands, and even tens of thousands of dollars with this plan."
Of course you can't confirm them, because the are lies made up by the people perpetrating this scam.
"Remember, the more places you put this, the more money you make."
No, the more places you post, the faster you will get shut down due to all the reasons I listed up above.
"Does this seem unreasonable?"
Quite. Indubitably. Excessively so. At least to anyone with any intelligence at all. Idiots might not think so.
"It shouldn't."
Case close, you proved my point.
"There are millions of people in the United States just like you, who need money, and are looking for a solution."
Just like me? No, I don't think so. I don't need your money, thank you. And of the millions who do need the money, the vast majority of them are not a pinheaded idiot like you that would fall for a scam like this, or try to perpetrate it even when they know it is.
"Thousands of people are getting on the internet for the first time, every day, and each of them wants to make money."
Where ever do you get your wild assumptions?
"Is it so unbelievable"
Yes.
"that they, like you,"
I really wish that you'd stop lumping everyone, including me, into those assumptive molds you seem to have made that everyone is poor, needs money badly, and will do anything for it.
"will follow this plan, hoping for a big return? At most, it will cost you ten dollars: one dollar for each person, and five for the pen, stamps, and envelopes."
Well, you forgot all the prison time & fines you could get, the lawyer fees you might have to pay, new ISP signup fees you'll have to pay and the lost time already paid on your current ISP account, your lost credibility, harrassment you'll receive, and a few other things in that little statement "At most, it will cost you ten dollars..."
"Is it impossible for you to imagine there are ten people somewhere in America who want to make money?"
No. It's not even impossible to imagine that there are more than 10 morons like you who would perpetrate a scam like this. That's still no reason to do it.
"If there are, then you've only lost a little time. But in fact, there are MILLIONS of people who NEED the money, and they are looking for ANY chance to make some. You will more than make up for any time or money you spend."
You haven't been paying very close attention now, have you?
"Is this program illegal?"
Yes.
"No. There's nothing illegal, or even shady, about this."
I, and the US Postal Inspectors' Service, and Federal Law beg to differ with you. But then, what do they know?
"Do you want proof?"
This oughta be good.....
"1. The inclusion of the message "Add my name to your list." makes this a service, just like any TV advertisement or 1-900 number."
No, it doesn't. Once again, before spouting gibberish, you should look it up. Wipe the dribbled goo off of your chin and check out the US Postal Inspectors' Service Page where it says: "Do not be fooled if the chain letter is used to sell inexpensive reports on credit, mail order sales, mailing lists, or other topics. The primary purpose is to take your money, not to sell information. 'Selling' a product does not ensure legality."
"Are those illegal?"
No. But they aren't even close to what you are trying to make an analogy to.
"2. Does the federal government police the internet? No."
Not openly. You are correct. But that doesn't mean that illegal acts such as this aren't brought to their attention quite quickly. Besides, if this was legal, why would that even be a concern?
"Do they open your mail? No. THAT would be illegal."
Unless, of course, they have reason to suspect you were involved in an illegal mail fraud or other illegal activities via the mail service, in which case the do have the authority to open and inspect your mail, without even getting a court order.
"3. If this were illegal, do you really think I'd be dumb enough to give the police my address?"
Well, two answers to that one.... First, I don't think you did give your correct address. Second, I still think you are dumb enough to do almost anything stupid, so maybe you did give your correct address. Time will tell.
"Please, support this program. There is the potential for both you and I to make a LOT of money together. Thank you."
No, there isn't, because I have more brains than a slug, and am therefore intelligent enough to avoid something this stupid. You, on the other hand, don't seem to fit that qualification. Good luck on your short mailing list career - make sure you keep all the sheets you get to prove it is legal when they come knocking on your door... that way, they can track down all the other criminal scam artists that were also involved.
